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| All my life, i've been looking for a suitable swimming pool for me. A unique pool that i can spend the rest of my life in. Ever since my brain could think for my own, i knew i am a water person. After years of searching and searching, i finally found this hiden swimming pool which has yet to be discovered the true beauty of it. I was so afraid, as it's too good to be true. I plucked up my courage and took a dip in the pool. In the beginning, the water was cold. There were waves here and there which made me think less of myself, whether it was that good in the water, or it was that the swimming pool didnt suit. I gave in, i tried my very best to improve on my swimming skills. I was happier, cause i know i've been changing for the better. And i know very clearly that, deep down in my heart, i want this swimming pool to be mine, and forever mine.
I have this goal so clear in my head, working hard to achieve it.. Yet I made mistakes and still am making mistakes, risking having the water leaked from the pool. I thought, there will always be some water. However, all of a sudden, when i stand up and look around, the water has leaked out a lot faster and a lot more than i could have imagined. I knew this happens, but didnt expect that to happen so soon, while the main cause, prolly, being me splashing too much, unnoticeably on my own..
How am i supposed to get more water back in the pool? You don't gain anything when you don't put any efforts in. Time to work harder on it again... | | |
| Back to several years ago, i used to write diary almost every single nights. I stayed up late, thinking that memories fade and feelings change. If you don't write it down, you won't remember in future. I look back now, realized that i was once such a emotional person. I felt so strongly about things. I had so many thoughts about life and stuff. I thought a lot. I was aggressive, passionate and never wanted to settle for less. I almost forgot how career-oriented i was once. I'm finding new goals in life now. I need to be more demanding to myself. Do not settle for less! After all, oneself is most reliable. I have the faith in myself. No one can love me more than myself. Keeping up or letting go? Can't believe im confronted with this question again. I'm only giving out one chance. First and last chance. I thought it was something right. I thought it could last. Ended up its the same old shxt. HA HA HA...what a big laugh to myself. | | |
| This should be something very simple. Something very pure. But for some reasons, everything has been complicated ever since its beginning. Complicated situations, mixed feelings. 3 months time now. Thing has become a lot more stable. However, there are still times that i feel so uncertain and secure. What is this? On the face of it, i'm going all out. But deep down from the bottom, i know there is still a lot more to give out. So many what ifs. Sometimes i hestiate. Although there are many things that i wouldnt mind. But shouldnt i deserve something better? As always, i never ask for returns but if people are sensible enough they should know the right things to do. I feel burdened at times. Why me? Why are things like this happening to me all the time? Just feel so mo noi.. I feel like a new change again. Although im quite happy to be where i am now. I feel like im not compensated enough. I'm sure i'd be given more somewhere else. Ideally, to be given more where i currently am. Will see.. | | |
| This time last year, i missed out on the boat hopping fun.. This time this year, i missed out on the rowing dragon boat fun.. This time next year, i'm defo gonna be rowing... Oh well just remember i said that last year too...see there are just so many uncertainties that you'd never know what will be going on same time some years later... I feel so grounded...i feel like i have no freedom at all...i'm not doing anything crazy or stupid or whatever...just in order not to make people get wrong...i'm gradually losing myself... How socially awkward i have now become..? How much fun side of me am i hiding now..? People don't realize. They don't care how much effort i've put in. They see things that happen, which are uncontrollable. But they don't see things that i have done. Actions is better than words. But most people, they're just so shallow that they want you to say them all out. They want it to be perfect. While judging someone of the wrongdoings in their eyes, they don't realize that they're doing the same thing, or even worse. Double Standard. I so freaking hate people like that... I hate being criticized. I hate being distrusted even more..They'd never know. Now things are getting on my nerves. My careful heart is saying holding back big time. If one day it ever happened, it'd not be becuz of anyone else but someone's showing distrust on me. Root Problem. Damn. | | |
| Took this test quite a while ago...now looking at the results again, its still so overwhelmingly accurate. Am i going to fall in/out again and again? " You take your time and do not fall in love easily.You give 50% in a relationship, and expect 50% in return.You like to handle your problems directly and immediately. You are alright with not seeing him/her so often. you expect the person to change for you.You measure your desire to whomever you love by the amount of desire he shows you.You fall out of love easily. " So hard to describe what i feel now... | | |
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